So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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