i need an iv and a liver transplant
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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