respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
