we're chasing vodka with high fives
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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