Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
