Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
