I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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