The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
