I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
