So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
