u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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