I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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