the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
