Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
