My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
