i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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