big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
