How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
