Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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