Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
