so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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