Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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