opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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