If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
