All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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