C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
