1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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