video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
