I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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