why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
