just tell him i said nine months
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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