remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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