felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
