i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
