I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
