I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
