NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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