Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
