Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
