the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dignity is for republicans.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
