Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
