Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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