Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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