oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
