we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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