dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
