When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
