i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
