ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk is not a location!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
