Screwed.edu
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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