Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
