even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
