he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
