You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
