you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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