Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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