Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
