Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
