he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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